Tag: school

Autism and Constructive Criticism

Greetings Earthlings! 🙂

Leading on from my previous posts about rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) and teaching students with autism, this week I’d like to focus in on the topic of constructive criticism.

Naturally, no one likes to be criticized, but with autists criticism can be quite devastating. As I’ve discussed many times, autists are black and white thinkers so when criticized, even constructively, we don’t tend to see the positives. Things are wrong and right, so if a mistake is made or an error pointed out, then it’s not just this one tiny thing that’s wrong, we perceive everything about us to be wrong. This can be particularly problematic in an educational setting where constructive criticism is essential to the learning process.

I found criticism particularly difficult in school. As a high achiever, it was a very bitter pill to swallow when I made a mistake. To this day I still cringe about the time I confused Lee Harvey Oswald and Mark David Chapman (I mean they were both high profile assassinations after all, it’s an easy mistake!) and had to embarrassingly hang my head after eagerly waving my hand around like an eejit to answer 🙈😂

In particular I struggled with constructive criticism when it came to art. It was one of my favourite subjects at school, but I was always butting heads with the teacher every time she tried to provide me with constructive feedback to the point that she felt she couldn’t give me any feedback at all based on my reactions. My parents had words with me, but while I adjusted my attitude as best I could, my teacher and I were at odds right up ’til the end of school as neither of us could seem to see the other’s perspective.

When it comes to education, this sort of relationship doesn’t help anyone. The teacher was frustrated with me, I was upset and frustrated with her, and my creative education was suffering as a result. While it is difficult for an autist to deal with constructive criticism, there are some ways to manage the situation.

  • Time and place– Be conscious of the situation and environment. Autists are often hyperaware of their differences, so you don’t want to make a scene in front of their peers that will only add to their distress. Moreover, you need to consider the timing and state the student might be in to avoid conflict. In one particularly memorable moment during my leaving cert (Irish state exams to get into university), my teacher attempted to question my approach and design for my piece DURING MY FINAL EXAM. Naturally in my stressed state, I had a moment and quite loudly gave out to her for disturbing me during my exam! Pick your moments carefully- and try not give feedback in a test setting 😛
  • Be specific– Don’t give vague feedback on areas for improvement. We need specific, concrete advice, otherwise we will catastrophize and drive ourselves demented wondering ‘What did they mean by X?’, or we may invest time working on the completely wrong thing. Don’t say ‘Your essay needs improvement’. Tell them they need to make it longer, include quotes, better spelling and punctuation, make a plan etc. When I worked in a lab and my experiments kept failing, each day for several weeks I was told ‘Not good enough‘, but no one took the time to sit with me and find out that I was missing one step every time (a step that they had failed to include in my instructions). All I knew was that I had failed and had to try and blindly figure it out on my own, which didn’t help anyone. I kept failing, they kept getting angry and my education suffered. Like any construction project, constructive criticism requires clear instructions
  • Focus on solutions, not problems– Similar to the previous point, focus on problem solving when giving constructive criticism. If the focus of feedback is all negative, this will likely overwhelm the student and trigger a meltdown (especially if they suffer from RSD) and they will learn nothing
  • Compliment sandwich– Lead with praise, deliver negative feedback, and close with praise. This can help to soften the blow for an autist making it clear that they didn’t exactly go wrong, but improvements can be made. This piece of advice is not just for those teaching an autist, but can also be useful for an autist who has to deliver constructive criticism to avoid complete bluntness and seeming lack of empathy . The TV show The Good Doctor used this technique to help autistic doctor Shaun Murphy educate his new autistic intern

Hope you enjoyed this post dear Earthlings!

Have a lovely weekend! 🙂

Aoife

1

Teaching a Student with Autism

Greetings Earthlings! 😀

This past week it’s been brought to my attention that I’ve written very little about autism and education/schooling (don’t know how I missed that 🫢), so for the next couple of posts I’d like to dive into this important topic. I’ve previously discussed the topic of learning and autism, so today I’m going to focus in on some pointers for teaching students with autism.

There are so many different pieces of advice for teaching an autist, but here are a couple of the stand out items based on my schooldays:

  • Find positive ways to keep them stimulated– I have a tendency to get bored pretty easily, which would happen a lot in school once I had completed my work. I’d often take out non-school books from my bag to read, or scraps of paper to write and doodle on to keep my mind and hands busy. Buuuuut some of my teachers didn’t like it, and confiscated my stuff 🙈. I understand it feels like an insult to the teacher and the lesson plan, but many autists have ADHD and need stimulation in these moments of downtime. If you notice that your student has a tendency to race ahead of the class, keep extra worksheets or puzzles around, encourage them to read a book (you could recommend a book on the class subject), do their homework or revise something for a test. If they’re already being productive as I used to be, leave them be- check in if you feel they’re not working, but if they aren’t causing trouble let sleeping dogs lie
  • Avoid routine disruption (if possible)- I know this can’t always be helped as schedules change from day to day, but try not to rock the boat where possible. In my experience, I was generally fine with changes to timetables, as long as I had advanced notice. Fire drill during Maths? Fine. A talk from a guest speaker during PE? Super. But drag me out of class when I was already settled in the middle of something… During my final year of secondary school, I had just settled down to my painting in double Art when a teacher pulled me out for a meeting about an upcoming debate (which I was already doing under duress). Well…I threw my paintbrushes down in frustration, I stormed into the meeting with my sleeves up and my apron on and I maaaaayyy have given out to him for interrupting me🙈 I get it, teachers have to try and organize extra curriculars around their free periods, but plucking an autist out of class without warning is best to be avoided (unless it’s something they hate, like if I’d been taken out of Business class😜). Try to catch them between classes and give advanced warning if you can
  • Try to understand their behaviours and perspectives- growing up undiagnosed, I was very lucky with the school that I was in. As a rule follower I didn’t generally have behavioural issues in class, buuuut as any autist will tell you, you’re not in a rational state during a meltdown. I had moments where I acted in ways that would have garnered a note home or detention for other students, but thankfully as I was a good student that was frequently bullied, my teachers put it down to stress and looked the other way. Now I know that we can’t look the other way for everything, autists have to be held accountable like everyone else, but take the time to try and understand the situation and assess why something might have happened. If they didn’t get homework done for example, it could be that they didn’t understand it, or were too overwhelmed. Giving out for non-completion won’t help anyone, but if you take a moment to talk to the student, the issue could be resolved calmly, and may help you to better support them in the future
  • Avoid sarcasm- autists can be so literal, it’s best not to use sarcasm to avoid any issues on clarity. When I was a teenager, we were discussing entering a drama competition in class. I can never remember the exact sequence of events and context, but my teacher seemingly asked me to write the play. I was so excited when I went home feeling privileged to have been asked. In the end however, I got busy, the teacher never circled back and so I never wrote anything. After years with this teacher I eventually realized that she was quite sarcastic. To this day, I still don’t know if the request was genuine or if it was a sarcastic comment to something stupid I said (and with my lack of filter that’s highly likely 😛 ). There were many other incidents with sarcasm and teachers which left their mark, so if you know/suspect that you have a spectrum student, just avoid it
  • Keep your cool, be kind, and don’t let them see you frustrated– this one’s a biggie. I know for a fact that I was difficult to teach at times, and you know how I knew? My teachers didn’t always hide their feelings. It made me feel awful, especially when I would be put down for being myself, never really understanding why they were mad. In one particular incident, I was struggling with a mathematical concept as a young teenager. I didn’t get it immediately and I had a crying meltdown. The teacher went over the concept a second time on the board, and when I still didn’t get it, she was annoyed and frustrated, and angrily moved on implying I was stupid for not getting it. Naturally I understood it perfectly after I had calmed down and my friend went over it slowly with kindness and patience. That incident stayed with me for many years. In Freya Harte is not a Puzzle by autistic author Méabh Collins, this book is full of similar moments like this, moments that can be devastating for a vulnerable student. I know how hard it can be to teach a ‘Me’, I have found myself equally irritated by autists like myself, but you can’t let them know. Patience and kindness are the biggest tools in your arsenal

This list of tips for teaching autists is also a really helpful resource, especially for teachers at the primary level: http://capacity-resource.middletownautism.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/6/2017/04/21-Tips-for-Teaching-Students-with-Autism-Spectrum-Disorders.pdf

As I am high functioning who was largely educated undiagnosed, I can only speak to my own experience. No two autists are the same, what would have helped me may not work for someone else, but I hope you find this post helpful nonetheless 🙂

Hope you enjoyed this post dear Earthlings!

Have a lovely weekend! 🙂

Aoife

1

Learning and Autism

Greetings Earthlings! 😀

Leading on from my previous posts about autism and memory, IQ, and studying, this week I’d like to talk about the topic of autism and academic learning.

First things first, autism is NOT a learning disability. It’s a neurodevelopmental disorder which impacts how our brain develops and the rate at which it develops having an impact on motor learning, social learning, language learning etc. That being said, ASD‘s can be co-morbid with learning disabilities such as dyslexia, ADHD and dysgraphia.

Everyone’s academic learning journey is unique, especially among autists. Autists can have problems concentrating in classrooms due to sensory sensitivities, issues with social skills can make it harder to interpret teaching cues, and difficulties with executive functioning and information processing can make it hard to process new information.

I’ve always had a passion for academic learning, but even I’ve had my struggles. I struggled hugely with maths in my teenage years. Once letters came into equations I regularly had meltdowns and got overwhelmed when I couldn’t immediately make sense of the topic. One of my most enduring memories of school is throwing my maths book at the wall mid meltdown while doing my homework 🙈

Buuuuuttttt I would usually be able to make sense of the exercises once the meltdown had passed. My teachers unfortunately didn’t understand this (the joys of being undiagnosed) which often made my learning journey challenging. Had I been given the opportunity to work slowly 1:1 with maths, I would have picked topics up a lot quicker.

Everyone’s learning style is different, especially when considering the challenges of autism. There are several different learning styles:

  • Visual learning– where learners take in information better visually through pictures, graphs and mind maps to help make connections
  • Auditory learning– where learners listen to information for optimal processing
  • Verbal learning– using verbal approaches like reading out loud and mnemonic devices
  • Reading/writing learning– classical learning approach by reading and writing
  • Kinesthetic learning– physical learning by doing tasks or needing to move while learning
  • Logical learning– where logic and pattern recognition skills are used to connect concepts
  • Social/Interpersonal learning– where you learn best by observing others, and talking and communicating with a social group
  • Solitary/Intrapersonal learning– where you just need to be by yourself to learn on your own with no distractions

Sometimes a mix of learning styles can be the best approach- I have employed all of these styles at different points in my life, but I would largely fall into the visual and kinesthetic learner categories. Seeing things drawn out and or doing tasks is often the best way for me to process information. For example, I tend to take notes using coloured pens as the visual stimulation from the colours makes it easier to process and retain the information.

There are so many different ways to learn, it’s just a matter of sitting down and figuring out what kind of learning style works for you, or working out a plan to limit classroom issues like sensory challenges that can derail your learning process. Lot’s of apps and supports are available for autists these days that can help make learning a lot easier.

The key thing is to not get discouraged. No two autists are the same and it can take a while to find what learning style works for you. When I took maths and biostatistics in college, the lectures were overwhelming, but once I sat down to a tutorial session where we worked hands on with the sums in an intimate environment, I flew through the work and got excellent marks in my exams. It takes time, but once you find the right approach, learning can be a breeze 😊

Hope you enjoyed this post dear Earthlings! 🙂

Have a lovely weekend!

Aoife

3

Autism in Abbott Elementary

Greetings Earthlings! 🙂

This week I’d like to discuss a possible autistic character in the award winning mockumentary sitcom Abbott Elementary.

So what is Abbott Elementary about?

Abbott Elementary follows a misfit group of teachers in the fictional primary school Abbott Elementary, a severely underfunded, mismanaged public school in Philadelphia. The teachers try their best to make do with their limited resources, often with hilarious consequences.

If you haven’t seen it yet, here’s a trailer for the show:

Many viewers, myself included, believe that substitute (and later first grade) teacher Gregory Eddie, played by Tyler James Williams, is on the spectrum. While it is never discussed, Gregory displays many subtle autistic traits that add to the humour of the show, normalizing neurodiversity without the drama and labels.

Gregory is a meticulous planner (at one point he planned his entire school year literally down to minutes and seconds), that sometimes borders on OCD. There are times when it seems like he has sensory issues around colour, preferring clean walls in his classroom. He loves rules and structure, and hates anything illogical or unjust. Gregory often struggles to relate to his pupils, but is at ease with his adult colleagues as they are far more predictable than children.

He always wears his feelings on his face, with the documentary camera crew often panning to his sassy side eye to record his disapproving and uncomfortable reactions. You can get a taste of his side eye in these clips:

One episode in particular showcases Gregory’s issues with food which really resonated with me. In the episode, the staff are debating their favourite pizza places. To avoid conflict, Gregory makes up a fake pizza restaurant to throw them off the scent that he doesn’t like pizza as people never understand why. He admits to liking maybe 5 things as you can see in the clip below:

I particularly related to this episode as I often feel a similar need to lie around food related matters, like pretending that I’m not hungry when the food options are not to my tastes. It just get’s too awkward to explain.

All in all, while we cannot be sure that Gregory is autistic, he certainly paints a pretty good portrait of a high functioning autist.

Hope you enjoyed this post dear Earthlings!

Have a lovey weekend!

Aoife

2

Autism and Studying

Greetings Earthlings! 😀

This week I’d just like to write a quick post about studying and autism.

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Knuckling down and studying can be hard at the best of times, but even more so for an autist. There are often learning challenges such as dyslexia, dysgraphia and concentration issues with ADHD which can make studying quite tricky. Frustrated meltdowns when things aren’t clicking can also be tough to navigate (can’t tell you how many times I chucked my maths book at the wall trying to study!😂).

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So here are some of my top tips for studying on the spectrum:

Stimming-Self stimulatory behaviours can be a useful way of channeling excess brain activity. By having a stress ball, a pen to chew or something to fidget with can help to free up your mind and allow you to better concentrate on the topic you’re studying.

Make it Visual- Autists are often very visual and highly creative, many operating between both the logical left and creative right hemispheres of the brain at the same time (due to the absence of a connecting bundle of nerves that splits the brain in two). Making things visual using graphs, videos and images can help to improve concentration by stimulating the creative right hemisphere of the brain instead of the usual logical left.

  • Aoife’s top tip: Use coloured pens for note taking. This was one of the best pieces of advice that my art teacher gave me as it really helped my concentration and retention levels by manipulating neuroscience! However, be careful with the colour choices as some autists can be hypersensitive to certain colours like yellow. Find the colours your child likes and buy lots of pens in those colours for them to write out their notes. My friends in college often told them how happy my notes made them as a rainbow of colour waved back at them every time I opened my notebook 😂

Bribery– I know this is one of my more common tips for managing numerous autistic traits, buuuut bribery is one of the best motivators! Concentration wasn’t always an issue for me when studying, but motivation was. When it came to boring subjects I just tuned out, so my mother traded me gaming hours for hours spent studying- 2 hours study meant 2 hours on the Playstation! It proved highly effective! 😂

Set small goals and take frequent breaks– This can be tricky for the all or nothing autistic mind, as once you get going, you tend to want to get it all done at once, which can often lead to frustration when you’ve pushed your brain past it’s limits. Setting small goals and taking regular breaks can be one of the best ways to study, especially where concentration levels can be an issue. Focusing on one small task at a time can build up a sense of achievement and encourage you to keep going without getting overwhelmed and frustrated. To this day I still do this at home or in work when I get overwhelmed by the volume of tasks that need to be completed.

Focus on what you can do before tackling more challenging subjects– One of the most commonly advised exam strategies is to complete the questions you do know first before going back to the harder ones to avoid getting overwhelmed and to build up your confidence. The same goes for studying- I’ve used this mantra several times of late when I’m writing to get me started on a task and keep from getting overwhelmed and it never fails! It’s not the easiest habit to form for an autist (as logic dictates everything should be done in exact order), but once you get in on it everything becomes so much easier 🙂

Take advantage of all available aids– when it comes to exam time, accept the help of a scribe or a reader (if you’ve dysgraphia or dyslexia) and take any extra time offered to you. Educational departments understand that autists often need a little extra time and help during exams, so if you need it take it- there’s no shame in asking for it. I was past my schooling by the time I got my diagnosis, but it would have been nice to have had a little extra time for exams when awkward questions threw me, or at least the comfort of knowing it was there if needed.

If you follow these tips you’ll be studying like a pro before long!

And always remember- it’s just temporary! We all have to study at some point (unless you’re one of the lucky few with an eidetic memory) to get to where we need to go, but it’s not forever, just keep focusing on the finish line and you won’t go wrong 🙂

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Hope you enjoyed this post dear Earthlings! 😀

Enjoy the weekend!

Aoife

3

Finding and Maintaining Employment

Greetings Earthlings! 🙂

In continuation from my blog post about autism in the workplace, this week I’m going to give some of my tips and tricks for finding and maintaining employment for autists.

Finding employment:

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Job seeking can be a daunting prospect for anyone, but for autists in particular, this can be quite the overwhelming experience. Navigating career search engines, filling out applications, preparing for interviews, coping with rejection- it’s a lot to handle.

When it comes to applying for jobs, there are a few important questions that an autist should consider:

  • Is this job a good fit for me?
  • What areas may be challenging for me in this role?
  • Is this an equal opportunities employer?

It’s important that you apply to jobs that cater to your strengths with an employer that will support both you and your needs 🙂

Top Tip: Glassdoor is an excellent online tool for job hunters. It allows you to look up different companies, read employee reviews and interview experiences, giving you invaluable insight into what life could be like for you within that company.

Next comes the dreaded interview- a real struggle for autists, but it doesn’t have to be 🙂

Fun Fact: According to career experts, 95% of interview questions can in fact be predicted and prepared for in advance! And there’s nothing we love more than predictability 😉

There are a number of organisations out there that are dedicated to advising, training and preparing people with autism for the workplace. For example, Specialisterne is an international organisation dedicated to creating jobs for people with autism through partnership with several companies in the science and technology sector. Specialisterne coaches people with autism and Asperger’s syndrome to prepare them for the workplace and additionally provides employers with training so to best support their employees.

There are also numerous career coaches and communications agencies out there which can sit you down and help you to prepare for an interview, run through mock questions, give you tips on body language etc.

Here are a few tips that I’ve found helpful to get you through an interview:

  • Preparation is Key– research the company, prepare answers to common questions, look up your interviewers on LinkedIn (don’t worry, you can use a private setting so they won’t know you’ve looked them up! 😉 ) etc. A mock interview can also be very useful. The more you prepare, the more comfortable you will feel in the interview.
  • Keep your answers relevant to the question– I know it sounds obvious, but if you’re anything like me, beware of tangents!
  • Ask for a moment to think– if a question throws you, drink some water and ask for a minute to think. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask for this. It gives you time to gather your thoughts whilst remaining in control.
  • Aoife says ‘Relax’! – Easier said than done, I know, but it was only when I began to relax in interviews that I was finally offered a job 🙂

Maintaining Employment:

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Congratulations-you’ve gotten through the interview stage and the job is yours! 😀 However, a number of people with autism will struggle to maintain this job. The workplace can be quite overwhelming as I’ve discussed, and we often do not receive the support we need from our employers.

So what can you do?

If you feel comfortable disclosing your diagnosis to your employer, steps can be taken to help accommodate your needs. For example, autism training can be arranged so that other members of staff can better understand and support you.

Having a work mentor or job coach to talk to and advise you about your workplace can also be helpful. This person can advise you on workplace ettiquette, social skills, interacting with co-workers and the unwritten rules of your place of work.

There are also some steps that you can take to better cope with the pressures of working life:

  • If you struggle with organization as I often do, making use of lists, diaries and Google Calendar can help you to stay on top of things
  • As I’ve said before, talk to someone about your problems with work- let it all out!
  • Take a breath- if you feel overwhelmed or a meltdown coming on, take a moment away from your workstation. Go to the bathroom, step outside the door (if possible), grab a coffee or a glass of water- do anything to distract yourself until you feel well enough to return to work 🙂
  • Try to maintain a good work- life separation. At the end of the day, we all need to leave work at work. It can be hard to switch off at the end of the day, especially for autists, so try to relax! Why not take up a hobby that will engage a different part of your brain such as art, exercise, music or gaming? Do what you have to do to unwind!
  • Take care of yourself- Keep snacks nearby, stay hydrated and get to bed early! Sleep tip– Blue light from screens interferes with the hormone that induces sleep, Melatonin. So ditch the laptop before bed; read a book instead!

Finding and maintaining employment as an autistic adult can be challenging, but remember, you have just as much to offer as any other candidate out there 🙂

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Enjoy the weekend Earthlings! 🙂

Aoife

 

1

Bullying and Autism

Greetings Earthlings 🙂

Bullying- neurotypical and neurodiverse alike, we’ve  all been there at some point, but did you know that autistic people are bullied nearly five times as often as their neurotypical peers?

Studies have estimated that as many as 46% of people with autism have been bullied at some point in their life versus 10% of the general population.

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Our issues with social awkwardness and interpretation, hypersensitivity, literal thinking, poor motor skills and trusting nature can make autists quite vulnerable to bullies. Sometimes we aren’t even aware that we are being targeting and so the bullying goes unreported.

Navigating school as an un-diagnosed teenager was particularly challenging. My literal thinking meant that I was often unaware that I was being made fun of, simple things said in attempts to fit in were turned into taunts, my expressions of individualism were ridiculed- and I just couldn’t understand why.

When I finally started to realize what was going on, it was devastating. I felt like such a fool that I shoved my emotions down and tried to pretend that I was fine.

Buuuuuttttt there’s only so long you can continue to ignore a full septic tank for before chaos erupts…

Once your peers have seen you have a meltdown, some people will do anything to trigger another one.

So I trudged along quietly everyday blaming myself for the teasing I endured:

“Why was I so naiive?

Why did I say that?

Why did I lose it? 

Why can’t I be normal?”

I sat back and allowed the storm clouds to gather overhead every time I reached the school doors.

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It wasn’t until I burned out and hit breaking point that I realized I had to find a better way through, began to talk and learned, not just to cope, but to thrive 🙂

So what advice would I give to someone on the spectrum who find themselves in the midst of a bullying situation?

Well, as the bullying game has intensified with the spread of social media since my schooldays (rural Ireland had quite limited access to high speed internet in the noughties), this is a tough one to advise, but here are some of my top tips:

  • Ignore the bullies– An obvious one that’s easier said than done, I know (I pretended to ignore for years- it can take quite a bit of practice to truly let words glide off your back), but when you react or meltdown- that’s what fuels them. My reactions made bullies push my buttons all the harder. If you feel a meltdown coming on, take a moment to go somewhere quiet, get some fresh air and take a deep breath.  Bathroom stalls were a personal favourite of mine to give me some time to regroup (unless someone had been smoking in there… this added further sensory fuel to the fire! 😛 )
  • Find an outlet for your emotions- We autists experience and process our emotions in very different ways. If you shove things down, the end result will not be pleasant. So run, dance, go on a four hour killing spree on your PlayStation (something that I wouldn’t know anything about… 😛 )- do whatever works for you to deal with your frustrations. I know it’s hard, but finding an outlet will help to quell the dragon inside.
  • Try to think before you act/speak– Again this is quite challenging when you don’t have a filter or struggle with impulsivity, but sometimes what may seem like the most simple of sentiments to you can be twisted and misconstrued by bullies. An innocent comment I once passed about the family dog led to years of jeering and implied bestiality…! I still put my foot in it every now and again, but I’ve gradually learned to pause more to assess if my comments will sink or float.
  • Be careful what you post on social media- The online world can be a dangerous, unregulated one. We live so much of our lives online we forget that our peers are always watching. As with your thoughts, take a moment to think through your posts. Something as simple as a picture or throwaway comment could land you in bother both on and offline (a simple lack of an appropriate emoji once caused a rift with a friend). Remember- it’s also perfectly ok to abstain or take some time away from social media. It may seem like social suicide, but we all need time away from our screens- people disable their accounts every day for lots of reasons so don’t worry about what they’ll think at school. Your sanity is far more important 🙂
  • Talk to someone– If you’re being targeted, tell a teacher, confide in a friend or talk to your parents so something can be done. But bear in mind, they can’t always  intervene. Teasing is a natural part of life as much as it may hurt (something that the autistic mind really struggles to comprehend), and not everything can be prevented. What may seem a devastating comment to your mind may mean nothing to an outsider. Intervention aside, by simply talking to someone about how you’re feeling, this will make the load so much easier to bear. Don’t let the quicksand claim you- ask for help!bitmoji2141702869

At the end of it all, just remember what my Biology teacher once taught me- “Whoever said that your school days are the best days of your life lied- college days are the best days of your life!”

So don’t get disheartened Earthlings! It may be hard to see it through the swirling fog in the crystal ball, but life does get so much better (…once you get past the bills, taxes and work-day traffic jams! 😛 😉 ).

Aoife

7

Autism and Making Friends

Greetings Earthlings! 🙂

Today we’re going to talk about something that many autists find difficult-making friends.

When it comes to making friends there is no exact science, something which can trip up many a logically thinking autist.

It’s not that we don’t want to make friends, but we often struggle to navigate the social playing field, sometimes choosing our own company to avoid the various trials and tribulations of social interaction.

There are no set rules when it comes to friendship, and we just can’t seem to wrap our brains around it.

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In my own experience, I found that connecting with my peers was a real barrier to formulating friendships in school. We had different tastes in music and film, were interested in different hobbies, wanted different things, held opposing beliefs etc. I found it really challenging to find common ground to converse on.

Making friends isn’t the easiest of tasks, but there are some things that I’ve learned over the years to make the process a little less challenging :

  • Take classes- I found that dance classes were a great social outlet as a child. I partnered up with different children, got invited to a lot of birthday parties (although I have many memories of wandering off to be by myself! 😛 ) and it helped with my coordination. Speech and drama classes can also be very useful in helping to build your confidence and social skills.
  • Try to find common ground with your peers. When in conversation, ask the other person about TV shows, bands, films, sports etc. you may be surprised at what you have in common.
  • Don’t be discouraged if you’re struggling to connect with your peers- I was 11 before I truly made a lasting friendship, and it wasn’t until college that I finally felt that I belonged socially. The average school-goer can often be small minded when it comes to befriending people who dare to be different. While some amazing efforts are being made to de-stigmatize and embrace autism in the younger generation, there will always be some who rebel against difference. Forget the haters- there are so much better people out there who are worthy of your friendship 🙂

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  • Try not to compare yourself to your neurotypical peers- We all make friends in different ways, prefer different types and sizes of social groups. What seems to work for others may not work for you. Social mimicry may seem logical, buuuutt, it doesn’t always work.
  • Be yourself- As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true! 😛 I have spent many a year feigning interest in matters that I thought my peers would respond to, but when I stayed true to myself, that’s when I discovered true friendship. True friends love you for you 🙂

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  • And if that all fails, you can always do what I do- bake to make friends! Nothing like a plate of home made sugary goodness to create a lasting impression 😉 Even if you burn it, you’ll still get a funny story out of it! As I’ve grown into adulthood, the stories of my many mishaps have become quite the conversation starter 😛 😉

If things don’t work out, don’t be so hard on yourself about it. Not all friendships are built to last. One of the biggest mistakes that I make is to hyper-analyse why a friendship breaks down in my efforts to understand where I went wrong to avoid future problems. Whilst yes, social lessons can be taken from past experiences, there’s no use in torturing yourself about it- you may not even have made a misstep.

Sometimes, these things just happen.

But that does not mean that you should not try again. The social complexities of formulating friendship can be overwhelming, but the reward is great 🙂

I have been so blessed in the friends that I have made in my lifetime, people who love and accept me as I am- even embracing my quirks.

Sometimes people are not always the most accepting of those who dare to be themselves, but that doesn’t mean that you do not belong socially. It took me years to find my pack, but in the end, I found my place 🙂

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Have a great week everyone! 😀

Aoife

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