Talking to your Child about Autism

Greetings Earthlings! 🙂

Continuing on from my post discussing if you should tell your child that they have autism, this week I’m going to discuss how to talk to your child about their diagnosis.

When should I tell my child they are autistic?

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As with autism, the answer to this question is entirely individual. Some higher functioning autists may be ready for this information at a younger age than others, or may even be so high functioning as to not need this information during their formative years (as in my case- though in hindsight it would have helped a lot!). Timing can also vary with the age of diagnosis. Girls for example are often diagnosed much later in life than boys with autism.

In general, many experts recommend telling your child around the time they start to become self aware of their differences to their peers- roughly around 6 years old, but this awareness will vary among autists. I, for example, always felt that I was different to my peers, but I never openly questioned it until after I had received my diagnosis in my 20’s.

How do I tell my child they are autistic?

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As with when, there is no right or wrong way as to how you talk to your child about autism (just maybe don’t spring it on them out of nowhere the way my parents did 😛 ), but here are some tips and tricks that may help you:

  • Pick your moment– be very careful with you timing. Make sure that your child is content and calm in a familiar place, things will be much harder if they are anxious
  • Don’t rush– Ensure that there is plenty of time to talk things through with your child. They will have questions and may need extra time to process what you are saying
  • Keep it simple– There will be plenty of time to introduce them to the world of neurodiversity as they grow. Just introduce them to autism one toe in the water at a time. Top Tip– There are a lot of useful kids TV shows (such as Sesame street and Arthur)  and books explaining autism in an age appropriate way which could help this conversation 🙂
  • Emphasize that this is a good thing– Whilst an autism diagnosis can be difficult to process initially, ultimately it is a good thing. Your child will get the help and supports they need to thrive, they will better understand themselves and be understood. However, the black and white autistic mind deals in good and bad. Sometimes an autist cannot perceive the difference between a little bit bad and plain bad which can cause great distress (à la 6 year old Aoife who thought she had to leave home as she could not be good! 😛 ). Highlight the importance of difference and make it clear that this is not a bad thing for them- different, but not bad 🙂

How do I explain autism to my child’s siblings?

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In much the same way as you would tell a child they are autistic, sit them down and have a casual chat about their sibling (or even friend- awareness in the community is crucial to changing societies attitudes for future generations of autists 🙂 ). Depending on the age of the child, what you tell them can vary to suit. Show them videos, give them a book, tell them a helpful analogy (I do love my Supergirl one!) etc to help them understand. Explain that their friend/sibling works a little bit differently and that they don’t always mean to say or do certain things, but we must love and accept them as they are 🙂

Hope you found this post useful Earthlings!

Enjoy the weekend! 🙂

Aoife

A Siblings Perspective of Autism

Greetings Earthlings! 🙂

Going to shake things up a little bit today with an interview!

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When it comes to experiences of living with autism, we hear most frequently from parents and those with the condition themselves. Oftentimes we forget that siblings of children with autism are also living the experience. So today I’m going to interview my sister Órlaith about her experiences of growing up with a sibling on the spectrum 🙂

What am I getting myself into….

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Over to you then Órlaith! 🙂

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Hello everyone! I’m Órlaith, Aoife’s younger (but not youngest!) sister. She’s roped me in today to talk about how life was growing up oblivious to the fact that Aoife has autism… and to provide some lovely anecdotes about some of her finest moments… Muahaha… So let’s get started!

Aoife: Growing up oblivious to the fact that I was on the spectrum, did you ever feel that something was different about me? Did you ever think my behaviour odd?

Where do I start! We always knew that there was something different about you. If you ask mammy I’m sure she will tell you you were born different. I suppose the most stand out things though were your spectacular “temper tantrums”, fantastic lack of tact, and your…amm… preference for always telling the truth…

I never really understood why when you got mad things really escalated like they did, I always thought it was not usual. Aoibhlinn (our other sister) and I would have had our moments but they were nothing compared to yours! Of course now with hindsight it’s easy to see that they were actually meltdowns that you weren’t really in control of but at the time it seemed very odd.

The tact and the truth telling always went/go hand in hand, it definitely wasn’t the norm for someone (in Ireland anyway), to tell you exactly what they think, no sugar coatings. That always struck me as odd. I’ll always appreciate being told that I look terrible… 😛

Looking back on it now, even when we watch old videos of you when you were about 5, it’s so obvious you have autism!

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Aoife: Did friends or other children ever pass comment to you about my “uniqueness” (for want of a better term)?

They did from time to time, which was never easy to hear because it’s your sister that people are talking about.  

Aoife: Did you ever find it hard to relate to me versus Aoibhlinn or other children?

Nah brah, I got your back jack! 🙂 Like, you often took managing but I never had a problem connecting with you, probably because we always liked the same things. And I dunno, you seem to like me or something so I think that helps 😛

Aoife: How did you feel around me when I would have a meltdown? What did you make of my meltdowns?

In general, the initial reaction was “Oh lord she’s at it again”, I think we all just got used to you and thought you were just being dramatic (see that time you threw everything out the window 😛). I’m a pretty anti-confrontation person anyway so when your blow-ups really blew up I really hated it and wanted you to just calm down and see reason, but I now know that when you’re in the middle of a meltdown you can’t see reason! Just having a, what we call, “Aoife Moment™”.

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Aoife: Growing up, even though you’re younger than me, did you ever feel responsible for me, as if you were my big sister?

Now that you mention it, I guess I did. Without being aware that you had autism and that you had to basically be taught how to behave in social situations, I think that I always felt like I had to show you how things work in the world and make you more “streetwise” because those things didn’t come naturally to you. You often don’t see the danger in things so often I feel a bit “big sisterly” and want to try and guard you and take you out of “Aoifeland” (for those who don’t know, this is the magical place Aoife goes to in her head when she zones out and falls down the stairs, spends hours looking at the ceiling, etc.). I still feel like I’m teaching you things every day, so I guess that changes the dynamic, dammit Aoife you’re meant to be teaching me! 😛

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Aoife: What did you know/feel about autism before I was diagnosed?

A hell of a lot less than I know now! Not a whole lot to be honest, I think I thought it was something that’s a lot more of a big deal than it is. I didn’t know how prevalent it is in people, which was a huge eye opener!

Aoife: Did you ever resent me for being different/my behaviours/social faux pas etc.?

A bit because you could have an “Aoife moment” and say something embarrassing about me 😛 Often you could have an embarrassing moment and, sure, that’s annoying, but on the up side, your social faux pas have led to some entertaining moments (“Mammy why is that man so smelly?” (Aoife 1994) Oh and let’s not forget your amazing sense of tact, it would be nice to not be insulted all the time, not that you mean to be insulting (I think…… 😛 )

Aoife: How did you feel about/react to my diagnosis?

I wasn’t in any way surprised because as we already talked about, there was always something odd about you! I think it was a good thing for you because it gave you a huge awareness and understanding about yourself and who you are, and that you’re not JUST an oddball, you’re an oddball with Autism! 😉

Aoife: Thanks for that then Órlaith! I bid you adieu! 🙂

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So there we are now Earthlings, I hope you enjoyed this post!

Enjoy the weekend everyone! 🙂

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Aoife (and Órlaith 🙂 )

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