Autism and Perseverance

Greetings Earthlings! πŸ™‚

As I’m currently attempting to add dressmaking to my list of skills (which is not coming as easily as I thought it would!), this week I’d like to discuss the importance of perseverance when it comes to autism.

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As the saying goes, “Rome wasn’t built in a day“, so too the same holds for learning new skills and autism. Many autists struggle with learning difficulties (I will discuss this in greater detail at a later stage) which can be challenging when trying to learn social or motor skills and develop coping mechanisms.

But just because things don’t come as naturally to an autist as they do to their neurotypical peers, doesn’t mean that they won’t.

Perhaps some of the most frustrating challenges I’ve faced in my life have come from my efforts to learn new motor skills such as riding a bike, learning to knit, learning to drive etc. Attempting to formulate the necessary neural pathways to forever commit these skills to memory was beyond frustrating! Book-based learning I can handle, but ask me to use my hands and it’s an entirely different kettle of fish!

Knitting was a particular struggle- I would sit and watch my peers making headbands and knitting scarves whilst I sat tangled in a ball of wool. Frustrating as this was however, with a LOT of practice, (and several litres of blood sweat and tears) , before long you couldn’t keep the needles out of my hands, and even today I regularly commit to large knitting projects in my spare time.

Similarly, perseverance was key to developing my baking skills. When I first began to use fondant, I was HOPELESS- I could never get it to go smooth, it was always full of holes, it was too dry, or too wet, it never seemed to go right! So bad was I in fact that one of my friends told me that an early creation of mine was so terrifying that it belonged in a horror film πŸ˜› :

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Needless to say I have not been able to attempt a canine cake since πŸ˜›

BUT- I did get the hang of cake decorating eventually as you can see in one of my most recent (and most complex) creations for my Granny’s 90th birthday:

When you get frustrated trying to learn new things like this, it can be all too easy to throw in the towel (God knows I’ve wanted to smash my sewing machine to bits lately after sewing yet another wonky line! πŸ˜› ), but you can’t let your brain get the better of you. Granted it isn’t always as easy to forge new neural pathways and learn new skills as for neurotypicals, but it doesn’t mean that they cannot be formed. Like digging trenches through soil or stone- a stone trench will take longer, but the result will be the same.

Just focus on the three P’s- patience, practice, persistence!

It will take time, but persevere and you’ll get there in the end πŸ™‚

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Have a good weekend Earthlings! πŸ™‚

Aoife

Autism and Making Friends

Greetings Earthlings! πŸ™‚

Today we’re going to talk about something that many autists find difficult-making friends.

When it comes to making friends there is no exact science, something which can trip up many a logically thinking autist.

It’s not that we don’t want to make friends, but we often struggle to navigate the social playing field, sometimes choosing our own company to avoid the various trials and tribulations of social interaction.

There are no set rules when it comes to friendship, and we just can’t seem to wrap our brains around it.

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In my own experience, I found that connecting with my peers was a real barrier to formulating friendships in school. We had different tastes in music and film, were interested in different hobbies, wanted different things, held opposing beliefs etc. I found it really challenging to find common ground to converse on.

Making friends isn’t the easiest of tasks, but there are some things that I’ve learned over the years to make the process a little less challenging :

  • Take classes- I found that dance classes were a great social outlet as a child. I partnered up with different children, got invited to a lot of birthday parties (although I have many memories of wandering off to be by myself! πŸ˜› ) and it helped with my coordination. Speech and drama classes can also be very useful in helping to build your confidence and social skills.
  • Try to find common ground with your peers. When in conversation, ask the other person about TV shows, bands, films, sports etc. you may be surprised at what you have in common.
  • Don’t be discouraged if you’re struggling to connect with your peers- I was 11 before I truly made a lasting friendship, and it wasn’t until college that I finally felt that I belonged socially. The average school-goer can often be small minded when it comes to befriending people who dare to be different. While some amazing efforts are being made to de-stigmatize and embrace autism in the younger generation, there will always be some who rebel against difference. Forget the haters- there are so much better people out there who are worthy of your friendship πŸ™‚

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  • Try not to compare yourself to your neurotypical peers- We all make friends in different ways, prefer different types and sizes of social groups. What seems to work for others may not work for you. Social mimicry may seem logical, buuuutt, it doesn’t always work.
  • Be yourself- As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true! πŸ˜› I have spent many a year feigning interest in matters that I thought my peers would respond to, but when I stayed true to myself, that’s when I discovered true friendship. True friends love you for you πŸ™‚

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  • And if that all fails, you can always do what I do- bake to make friends! Nothing like a plate of home made sugary goodness to create a lasting impression πŸ˜‰ Even if you burn it, you’ll still get a funny story out of it! As I’ve grown into adulthood, the stories of my many mishaps have become quite the conversation starter πŸ˜› πŸ˜‰

If things don’t work out, don’t be so hard on yourself about it. Not all friendships are built to last. One of the biggest mistakes that I make is to hyper-analyse why a friendship breaks down in my efforts to understand where I went wrong to avoid future problems. Whilst yes, social lessons can be taken from past experiences, there’s no use in torturing yourself about it- you may not even have made a misstep.

Sometimes, these things just happen.

But that does not mean that you should not try again. The social complexities of formulating friendship can be overwhelming, but the reward is great πŸ™‚

I have been so blessed in the friends that I have made in my lifetime, people who love and accept me as I am- even embracing my quirks.

Sometimes people are not always the most accepting of those who dare to be themselves, but that doesn’t mean that you do not belong socially. It took me years to find my pack, but in the end, I found my place πŸ™‚

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Have a great week everyone! πŸ˜€

Aoife

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